It’s a comforting thought to believe our doctors possess boundless knowledge and capability. We place our health and well-being in their hands, trusting their expertise. However, it’s crucial to remember that doctors, like all of us, are human. They have their good days and their less-than-stellar moments. Just as we experience fluctuations in our focus and energy, so do they.
Before my life took an unexpected turn with a pancreatic cancer diagnosis, doctor visits were infrequent. Perhaps a quick annual physical every few years with my general practitioner was the extent of it. Ironically, it was this very doctor who, upon noticing my jaundice, promptly ordered an emergency CT scan – a decision that undeniably played a role in saving my life.
Now, post-cancer, my reality involves a team of specialists. A gastroenterologist diligently monitors my digestive system, a landscape altered significantly by surgery. The Whipple procedure, necessary to remove the pancreatic tumor, left me without a portion of my pancreas, requiring enzyme supplements to aid digestion. An endocrinologist tracks my diabetes progression and manages osteoporosis, both consequences of the abdominal radiation therapy aimed at eradicating any remaining cancer cells. And then there’s the podiatrist, overseeing the peripheral neuropathy – the numbing sensation – in my feet, another unwelcome side effect of diabetes.
Perhaps unrelated to cancer, I also consult a cardiologist, puzzled by the increasing episodes of atrial fibrillation (AFib). As I confessed to one of my doctors, I’m experiencing doctor fatigue.
While most of my doctors are attentive listeners most of the time, there have been instances where I’ve felt compelled to remind them to truly listen, rather than assume they grasp the entirety of my experience. I inhabit my body; they do not. This realization underscores the importance of recognizing when your doctor might not be fully engaged.
What are the telltale signs that your doctor isn’t truly listening to you? Recognizing these signs is the first step in advocating for yourself and ensuring you receive the care you deserve.
- Constant Interruptions: This can manifest subtly, like a repetitive stream of “Uh huh,” “Uh huh,” “Uh huh,” – a verbal wallpaper that signals impatience. More overtly, it’s the doctor cutting you off mid-sentence, derailing your train of thought and minimizing your concerns. Interruptions, in any form, convey a lack of value for your input.
- Fidgeting and Hurriedness: The reality of modern healthcare is often packed schedules, and doctors are frequently pressed for time. However, this systemic issue shouldn’t translate to feeling rushed and unheard during your appointment. Fidgeting, constant glances at the clock, or a general sense of hurriedness can make you feel like just another number, not an individual with unique health needs.
- Distractedness: There in Body, Not in Mind: The vacant stare is a universal sign of disengagement. When a doctor looks away, avoids eye contact, or exhibits a glazed-over expression, it’s a clear indicator their mind is elsewhere. They might be thinking about the next patient, their lunch break, or personal matters, but they are certainly not fully present with you and your concerns.
- Aggressive Body Language and Lack of Respect: Facial expressions of contempt or dismissal are particularly disheartening. While one might try to rationalize the ‘why’ behind such behavior – perhaps stress, burnout, or a difficult day – it remains unacceptable. Healthcare should be a partnership built on mutual respect, and dismissive body language erodes this crucial foundation.
So, how can you proactively ensure your doctor is listening and truly hearing your concerns? Being prepared and assertive in your appointments can make a significant difference in the quality of your healthcare experience.
-
Be Meticulously Prepared: Before each appointment, take the time to write out a concise bullet point list of everything you need to discuss. It’s a common experience: the moment the doctor enters the exam room in their white coat, your mind can go blank. A written list acts as your anchor, ensuring you remember crucial details about changes in your medical condition, specific issues needing attention, and questions you need answered. Furthermore, conducting some preliminary research on your questions empowers you to engage in a more informed discussion with your doctor, moving beyond simply being told information you may not fully understand. Preparation is key to a productive consultation.
-
Practice Courteousness and Empathy: Remember, doctors are people too. You never truly know what kind of day they are having. They might have just navigated a difficult conversation with another patient, or they could be grappling with personal challenges you are unaware of. Extending courtesy and assuming positive intent can foster a more collaborative and understanding environment. A little empathy can go a long way in building a better doctor-patient relationship.
-
Skillfully Rewind the Conversation: If you sense your doctor is not fully listening or has missed a crucial point, don’t hesitate to gently redirect the conversation. Phrases like, “Can we rewind this conversation for a moment?” or “I want to circle back to something I mentioned earlier…” can be incredibly effective. Then, calmly restate your point, ensuring it’s clearly heard and addressed. Taking control of the conversation flow in this respectful manner can be crucial for effective communication.
-
Recognize When It’s Time to Change Doctors: While it’s a step you hopefully won’t frequently need to take, understanding when to change doctors is essential for your well-being. If you consistently feel unheard, dismissed, or that your concerns are not being adequately addressed, changing doctors is a valid and empowering choice. This doesn’t need to be a dramatic confrontation. Simply inform the doctor’s scheduler, “I would like to request a different doctor. Could you offer some recommendations?” If asked for a reason, a simple, “Dr. [Doctor’s Name] and I are not communicating effectively,” is sufficient. You are entitled to receive care from a healthcare provider who listens to you and meets your needs.
Doctor reviewing patient information on a tablet during consultation
Instead of shrinking away from potentially “tough” conversations with your doctor, embrace them. Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of effective healthcare. Often, these direct conversations, rather than damaging the doctor-patient relationship, actually strengthen it, building trust and mutual understanding.
Therefore, if you find yourself feeling unheard by your doctor, remember to arrive prepared for your appointments, maintain courtesy, rewind the conversation when needed, and, ultimately, be empowered to change doctors if necessary. Your voice and your health journey deserve to be heard and respected.
For more valuable news, research updates, and educational resources on health and well-being, be sure to subscribe to our newsletters here.
