Dr. Susan Block, famously known as Dr. Suzy, is a Los Angeles-based sex therapist whose career spans decades. From hosting radio and television shows to authoring books and co-creating “Eros Day,” Dr. Suzy’s passion for sex is undeniable. This article delves into a conversation with Dr. Suzy, exploring her unique approach to sex therapy, her fascination with bonobos, and addressing the sensational, albeit perhaps misunderstood, aspects of her lifestyle, sometimes alluded to as a “sex orgy performance.”
During a visit to Dr. Suzy’s headquarters, an old motel transforming into “Bonoboville,” anticipation hung in the air. This wasn’t just another bacchanalian party night she’s known for. It was a celebration of 22 years of marriage between Dr. Suzy and her husband, Captain Max, a man with a past in publishing during the censorship era. Meeting Dr. Suzy in her office, amidst corset adjustments, she playfully described herself as the “green horse-woman of the apocalypse,” setting the stage for an unconventional interview.
VICE: So, what exactly is Dr. Suzy all about?
Dr. Suzy: I’m a sex therapist, but my approach is far from traditional. I incorporate play, erotic theater therapy, phone sex, fantasy role play, even erotic hypnosis—
Wait, erotic hypnosis? Tell me more.
Erotic hypnosis is essentially hypnosis with an erotic twist. Honestly, most hypnosis has an erotic undercurrent anyway, especially if you consider sleep fetishes. Hypnosis can be a tool for health improvement, like dieting or quitting smoking, but it can also significantly enhance your sex life. It helps people become more self-accepting and explore different facets of their sexuality.
Do you use erotic hypnosis personally with clients?
Yes, regularly. But don’t worry, I’m not hypnotizing you right now!
I might not mind. What issues do people typically seek your help for?
The most common question is, “Am I normal?” People worry about their fetishes, their fantasies. Maybe it’s a foot fetish, a boob fetish – boobs are pretty mainstream, but it could be something more specific, like a cuckold fetish. It could be desires for multiple partners, bisexuality. For women, it’s often about anorgasmia, and for men, it might be about premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.
So, you’re there to reassure them, to normalize their concerns?
Sometimes it’s about reassurance, yes. But sometimes, it’s about setting boundaries. I might say, “That fantasy is okay to have, but it needs to stay a fantasy,” especially if it involves something dangerous or harmful.
Or illegal.
Exactly. Like lust murder. That’s universally wrong.
Definitely. Wrong on all levels.
There are always ways to manage or cope with a fantasy, but it’s crucial to caution people against acting on certain impulses. People engage in dangerous yet legal behaviors too, like unsafe sex, which I actively try to prevent. Use condoms! And back to “Am I normal?” It’s such a funny question. Most of the time, they are normal. And even if they aren’t by societal standards, I ask them, “Do you really want to be normal?”
How has the internet impacted your work?
The internet has been instrumental in my business growth. It started with in-person counseling, then moved to telephone sessions. Interestingly, I still find phone sessions the most intimate. You truly connect on an intellectual and emotional level, without visual distractions. You focus on ideas, fantasies, and feelings. Webcam, on the other hand, becomes very appearance-focused, even more so than in person.
I understand that completely. The power of voice and inflection.
Inflection is incredibly powerful. Without other senses, you can really captivate someone. It also becomes easier to delve into their past, their childhood roots of fetishes. That’s harder to do when someone is right in front of you, visually present.
What’s your perspective on sex in contemporary society? Are we truly more liberated and sex-positive today?
In some ways, yes, but not as much as one might hope. I’m a huge advocate for bonobos.
Ah yes, the bonobos! I was going to ask about them.
They are endangered, unfortunately, but awareness is growing. I believe they can be saved. Bonobos are the “make love, not war” chimpanzees. They swing through trees and with each other. Genetically, they are 98.7 percent similar to humans, like common chimps, but unlike them, bonobos have never been observed killing each other in the wild or in captivity. They engage in a lot of sex, in various positions. They have so much to teach us about sex and sisterhood. The females are very sex-positive and assertive, while the males are quite relaxed.
Presumably, the males are content with the arrangement.
Yes, it’s a fascinating “kissin’ cousins” scenario in our family tree.
Should we be modeling our behavior after bonobos?
I wouldn’t say we should directly model ourselves after them, but… well, you said it. There are definitely lessons to be learned about our potential for peace and pleasure.
Solving conflicts through sex?
Making peace through pleasure. I believe there’s hope for that in the world. Sex is a constant in human life, with its ebbs and flows. Tonight, I’m celebrating 22 years of love. Marriage isn’t trendy right now. “Conscious uncoupling” is more fashionable.
The “Gwen and that guy from Coldplay” approach?
Yes, Coldplay. I forget his name. It’s fine, I’m all for it. Though, personally, I love my husband. I love him, and I lust for him. Twenty-two years feels like 22 minutes. Marriage isn’t for everyone, maybe not even for most.
Is there an ideal relationship model then? Is it entirely subjective? Polyamory versus monogamy, for example.
Polyamory works for some. I have my one-and-only. I love him with old-fashioned romance. But I’m also kind of polyamorous in spirit. We explore with others, but we have this core marriage. It works for us. Marriage is an institution, and most people resist institutions. I do too, but my marriage is paradoxically freeing. Like the paradox of sex – sometimes bondage is liberating. Marriage is a form of bondage in a way. Just as some dislike being ball-gagged, some dislike marriage.
Marriage as a kink, perhaps?
It is! Marriage is a kink. A fetish. Something some people are into. A good marriage, that is – one with love and lust. Love is vital, but lust is what keeps the spark alive, the spice in the relationship.
What initially drew you to the world of sex?
I started masturbating when I was two years old.
Two?
That’s my earliest memory of it. I probably started earlier, not for orgasm, but for comfort.
It is comforting.
Sex is multifaceted. We limit ourselves when we define it too narrowly. I don’t even know… Fucking is great. Can I say fucking?
Absolutely, please do. Do you differentiate types of sex in your mind? Like “fucking” versus “lovemaking,” or similar terms?
No. When I’m fucking, I’m making love. I don’t experience the “bad fucking” I did when I was single anymore.
That’s where I am currently.
I sympathize.
What would you do in those “bad sex” situations? Stop them, guide them, or just endure it for the experience?
Sometimes I’d stop it and tell them to leave. You try everything. Kiss many frogs. Sexually, you can have more than one prince or princess. Good sex is plentiful. You don’t want things too easy either. When things are too easy, you create problems.
After the insightful conversation, Dr. Suzy finished preparing for her party, and I was escorted to the bar. It was more subdued than anticipated. There were topless women with pasties, but the atmosphere was relaxed. I left around 12:30 AM after a chat with a man claiming to be Drew Barrymore’s brother. The next day, an email from one of Dr. Suzy’s producers arrived: “Hope you had a great time. Sorry you missed the after-party orgy on the Bonoboville kitchen table.” Regretfully, I did miss it, but perhaps there will be a next time to witness the rumored “sex orgy performance” firsthand, understanding it now perhaps less as a wild spectacle and more as an extension of Dr. Suzy’s philosophy of sexual liberation and exploration.
